Physical Therapy Soliloquy

First it was the sound of a
medevac
in all its exclamation point
of emergency

Then it was me
evaluating my own
peek-a-boo knee

& then
odd things
made my wistful heart sing
city lights
cold, clean concrete
EKG complete
with its buzzing of a test report
on lyrical repeat
white coats and scrubs
clean nails
unpolished nubs
knowledgeable hands
worried mothers
finding the answers of the universe
while twisting strands
that distinct tinkling of a distant gait belt
around someone's shoulders
making a cadence in halls
answering calls

I don't know how long it'll be
but I will return
indeed
there's a visceral yearn

That Lovely Sterile Smell

It's pulling at me
white tiles
clean lines
puffy cotton balls in
their glass jar
creating a puffy, new thought
the old life I left briskly
the sounds
the beeps
the whoosh of machines
coming to life
for every new patient
the humming
the drumming
the soft tap at the door
the heaviness
of that same door
closing

I'm miles away
on my isolated island
of anonymity
but still
it's pulling at me
the old life
begging to be renewed
in some other
different
view

& while a past co-worker greets with
that healthcare worker's open-heartedness
my senses come alive again
ready to strap on that gait belt again
to harness
to release
to reset
to rebalance

funny the things I miss
that lovely
sterile
smell
releasing the harsh grasp of hell
on every new form
stretching and bending
back to their lovely norm

Beyond the Looking Glass

The misty, wispy condensation
traces my name
on a mirror
that is so unclear
while past is crystal clear
tis the future that holds
a grin
or a leer

with a Cheshire grin
with a witchy, little spin
I wipe the condensation clean

wall behind me
deeper into the mirror I dive
looking beyond the
shallow high-five
into the unknown
the glorious
unpredictable
unknown

Last to Know

I got the call

as an afterthought

sitting cross-legged

listening to the 

friendship now

frail & wrought

My mind became a whirlwind 

& numb to the knowledge 

that things will surely change

the tin-can rattle of the 

material range

swirling with the blustery 

grandstand show

that even a

stroke of misfortune 

could not stop the 

floundering flow

It was a silent goodbye

to all the yesterdays 

those high-flying 

concerted ways

& a knowledge 

that even the best of friends 

move in tangled ends

Some day 

dear girl 

you'll want more

than the material world 

But not yet

no

not quite yet

& that 

makes me 

most sad

It's Been a While

It's been a while
since I've loved myself
quite like this
alas, I don't think
I ever have
until now

Arrival

I was always 2
2 parts of 1 soul
past & present
always thinking
a little irrelevant

It's been a long journey, my friend
7 years of my inner
tumultuous wind

Like a butterfly tossed about
no clear direction
no north
no south

& here I am
my arrival
like a second coming
holy revival

My wings may be battered
but my hope is restored
my dreams
once silent
arise like the sun
promising to
never again
lie vacant & ignored

You Better Cry

You better cry
cry the crocodile tears of remorse
because all eyes will be watching you
& Lord knows, you never gave 2 shits
about her as you flew
tell your stories how you helped her
oh, such the good soul
fake
opaque
wither in your regret
nightmares never forget

white funeral Lilies dripping crimson
blood-stained from the abuse
hide it all away
pretend it does not exist
grab your faithful cross
exorcist
confess all
in complete
complacent silence
letting it all continue
in hell-bent defiance

just don't ask my opinion of you
2 sisters so willingly turned away
so many years
until she lay in a coma
slow was her fading day

oh, but you gave her a ham on Christmas
so I suppose that fixes everything
her eyelids never fluttered open to see it
steps creeping for the exit
bit
by
bit