Coming Home

He blasts in the door
Wanting no more
My toddler
Wiser than the four
Biting his tongue
Against the wrong
Coming to me
Coming home

Duck Blind

Camouflage
Persona hemorrhage
Moving target
Now sitting silent
In the still
Misty predawn of morn
The girl with the
Tragic tale
Such the mystifying wale
Hiding in the tree line
I see them
I take my aim

My circle is small
High is my wall
I'll play the game
Without shame
Just don't think
It's so easy to come in
To this duck blind sin

Those that remain
Share the scars
Of a different name
I make them tea
As I settle back
Taking aim
At a stranger's plea
To enter
This door
Does not open easily
Nor will it splinter

My Other Half

He is the heart of me.  Skinny arms wrapping; sloppy kiss love for this proud mommy.  He is my reality running and dancing in his super hero undies.  He is a soft conversation on long morning Sundays.  He comes to me for safety and comfort.  He comes to me with stories so tall making me kneel to his whimsical mind.  He makes me laugh.  He my soul - not just my second half.  He turns to me for reassurance in every fearful occurrence.  We share our dreams in castles by free flowing streams.  Sometimes it's overwhelming - this responsibility.  When the dark night crouches low and I hear him let out a satisfied sigh in his sleep, I realize it's all worth it.  The worry, the angst, the pain of the past;  all wiped clean when I kiss his cherub cheek. 

Cold Storm Brewing

Winter winds billowing
Tips of branches curling
Dead leaves clawing
Dangling precariously
Like frozen statements
Of something that once was

Words we speak
Frozen and suspended
In the icicle atmosphere
To be evaluated
Before the
Cold storm coming
Thunder drumming
Snow peaked hills humming
Knowing
Truth
Is never too far behind

Don't Tell Me You Love Me

Don't say it
It hurts too much to hear it
No
You don't love me
I'm not worth it
I never was
I never will be
It's the lesson constantly
Drilled in me

In Name Only

They are not my family
They are just some
Nameless people now
Free to say what ever they may
Because nothing changes
It's always the same old way
My voice is unheard
My face is unseen
If only to pick apart
By some bitter heart
Attacking every insecurity
If only for them to feel strong
Not caring
If their words hurt
Not caring
If it's all wrong

I see through them
Or at least I try
Hold it all in
In silence
I cry

To them
I don't matter

In the cold steel of night
My heart begins to shatter

All in the Family

The dysfunction was born
  long before me
Now it's some
  metastasizing disease
Spread over the generations
  through times unfriendly
Into a home
  that does not care
Ignoring the daughter
  constantly sending up
The same tired flare

Just on the Edge of Success

Right as my writing is taking a new, joyful turn.  Right as success starts knocking on my door.  That's when.  That's when the beast rises up again.  Offering up more than a veiled threat.  A narcissistic soul losing his last victim; coming undone.  I'm a tried and true easy target.  He all ready knows my weaknesses, so his job is nearly done.  And the ears of a toddler are an easier target.  Who can I run to?  The police? They just laugh.  "You know kids; they always get it wrong."  Who can I tell? My beautiful friends?  Ask them to stop what they're doing and follow me into Hell?  I reassure them everything is all right, but I'm not.  I stay awake. Waiting for the monster to leave.  Waiting for the end of this long and treacherous grieve.  I plaster a smile on my pale, funeral face.  No one notices the disgrace.  Strangers read my poetry - thinking I'm releasing some artful, satin string.  Sending me nice love notes and quoting my harsh quotes.  Oh God.  Who can blame them? 

I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling

Wait for the happy girl to tell the joke to make it all go away.  Lovely, love stroke.

I want to break everything beautiful.  I can't be here again. No, no, no.

I scream so loud on the inside.  There's just nowhere to hide.  Rearview view always illusive.  Wondering if anyone is following.  Listening to my son talk about protecting me from bad men.  It's all such a devious sin.  If there are 3 ways to get to any of my destinations, I pray for 10.  There's only so many ways.  Only 2 ways lead to my home. 

Oh God.  I'm infecting you.  With my unplanned toxin. 

I'm at the end of my frayed rope.  Nothing to grope. 

I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling

People call me strong.  People call me brave.  As I cry, writing another blog rave.  It's happening again.  The sociopathic narcissistic beast loving his original sin. 

Where can I park my car where it won't stand out?  Will anyone hear me if I shout?  Don't go out alone at night.  It's all a terrible fright.  Tell all my friends to rest easy and hear them say goodnight.  Sitting up til the banshees stop their wailing.  Til my body stops shivering.  Fall into bed with another mournful prayer lifted up to the ceiling.

Black Hole

Click
Pull
Take your aim
I don't care anymore
Black hole
Hell's death toll

Narcissistic ranting
2 ramble in
Making 3
Spiteful talk
Planning my demise

Oh my sweet little boy
Don't you ever forget
Mommy always loved you
No matter what happens to me