Saying Goodbye

It's never easy saying goodbye, especially when you're saying goodbye to the "old you."  But that is exactly what I'm doing (and have been doing for the past 3 years).  It's a grieving process I had to go through in order for me to completely move on.  Forgiving myself has been the toughest, uphill battle.  Forgiveness; containing many levels, is a process I am learning to move through with the least amount of resistance as possible.  I cannot forgive everything he did, but I can learn to move on and look toward the future.  It's just better that way. 

So, goodbye to the scared girl of the past.  The one who hid from everyone, including herself.  Goodbye to the negative self-talk that creeps into my head.  There is no room for such blasphemy.  I now know it can be far more abusive and destructive to criticize myself in such a way that I limit my own progress.  I say goodbye to the restrictive thinking of my future.  Why not dream as far as the eyes can see? Maybe even a little further.  Quantum physics fascinates me, so why not play with it; picture that awesome picture of my future?  If we can picture it with our mind, we can have it in our reality.  I say goodbye to the pain and depression.  My writing will always help me weed through the despair.  I say goodbye to holding things in.  My silence is golden but it can also be a double-edged sword.  Words of the heart left unsaid only leave a trail of regret. 

My journey is not even close to being complete.  In fact, I've only just begun to get to find the very core of me.  I actually gave myself a time limit on my own grieving.  Healing comes in stages.  I've learned to accept each stage and learn from it.  I say goodbye to the girl that felt the need to compare herself to others.  I am unique.  I am proud of my progress.  I am proud of my willingness to grow and learn.  I'm most proud of my own self-honesty.  You'll surely see dark poems or blog posts.  It helps me to write about it.  To talk about it.  The more I do, the more healing it all becomes.  I don't break down in tears or go numb.  It releases the inner pressure.  I'm feeling so much better.  I'm in a far better place than I was 3 years ago. 

Naked Soul

I bare it all

Eliminating resistance

Letting my soul

Become

Exposed

Unafraid

of the

Perception 

What's With Walt?

Just what was Walt's problem? Walt Disney, that is.  Oh.  Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for his movies, but if you really sit down and analyze them, a whole new perspective can be had.  Bambi.  Mother deer shot.  I'm not a hunter, but I would've gone for the rack on that male deer.  Comprende?  Snow White and the evil whoever she was that fed her the rotten apple. Is it just me or does anyone watch that movie and think "Surely someone else in this movie deserved the rotten damn apple"?  Cinderella.  Sweet Cinderella with the evil stepmother and the spoiled rotten step sisters.  Are ya gettin' my drift here?  Women.  All women.  Personally, I like Jerry Lewis' movie "Cinderfella". 

It's late and I need to go to bed.  But not before I added this tongue-in-cheek post about good ole Walt.  Who, by the way, was a genius.  Still, I ponder, what's his deal?  ;)

Dressing Up a Toad

Go ahead
If you must
Dress up that toad
Lipstick bleeds
Blush recedes
The toad
Is still
A toad
I love fairy tales
I think most girls do
But tell me to kiss a toad
I'll check your head
Probably stomp on your shoe

Gathering

I don't gather leaves
While the wind is
Still blowing
I quietly step out
Of the center
Let the leaves
Fall as they may
The wind will
Surely stop
I and
My trusty
Rusty old
Rake
Will wait
For the wind to
Settle its temperamental
Meanderings
Gathering more leaves
Than I would
Had I started
While the wind
Was still blowing.

It

It
Has a name
Narcissistic Sociopathic Abuse
It
Entails
Emotional
Mental
Physical
Sexual
Psychological
Abuse
It
Keeps growing
With 3 women
Suffering right now
As I'm writing this
But the statistics
Keep changing
That number has probably
Grown to
More
The monster likes to be fed
With fear and isolation
Growing more sadistic as
The victim becomes wiser
Escape is the only answer
I'm absolutely convinced
There are those among us
Without a soul
How else to explain the
Constant need to see such
Physical despair?

*You more than likely won't hear of a victim speaking out as it's happening.  From what I've seen, it's the survivors brave enough to bluntly call out the utter disdain.  To shout from the roof tops, "This is insane."  Yet, it keeps happening.  The more we talk, the more aware everyone becomes.  I'd love to sprinkle glitter on this and make it all nice and pretty.  Seriously, though, you can't pretty up ugly.  It would be like trying to put lipstick on a toad.  I make light of some things.  I hope to holy doughnut holes it grabs your attention. 

May I Never Feel Rested

In this one instance
May I never feel rested
As though the job
Is somehow complete
It is not complete
Until all voices
Have been heard
There are many
So many
Tormented souls
Crying from the inside out
All walks of life
With no racial or economical
Lines of demarcation
The prettiest face
Hiding some
Unspeakable
Disgrace
Or the ones we see
Walking with the
Black and blue
Badge of his dishonor
Marking a face
Like claiming some
Blasted territory
Animal rights activists
Get more attention
And certainly
Shouldn't we all be
Protected from
Animals?