I told her I have been single for 6 years. Her eyes widened and she proceeded to trample on every thought of grace I had planted. This girl that was single, herself. I shook my head and offered some lame excuse and just let the subject fall to the greasy floor where we stood.
6 years. Good Lord. I walked away feeling like some kind of wondrous, nerdy loser. I started saying a string of cuss words (mostly 'fuck'). I thought of the opportunities that I gave up, walked away from, or hid from. I thought of all the damning things that would always make me feel less than, up to this point.
My life has been a fucked-up roller coaster ride, since the day I was born. I'm learning to feel. I'm learning to live. And learning love myself has been the longest journey.
6 years. It sounded longer than forever. Dear God. Something's terribly wrong with me. My fist grips my own heart, until it bleeds uncontrollably.
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