Just on the Edge of Success

Right as my writing is taking a new, joyful turn.  Right as success starts knocking on my door.  That's when.  That's when the beast rises up again.  Offering up more than a veiled threat.  A narcissistic soul losing his last victim; coming undone.  I'm a tried and true easy target.  He all ready knows my weaknesses, so his job is nearly done.  And the ears of a toddler are an easier target.  Who can I run to?  The police? They just laugh.  "You know kids; they always get it wrong."  Who can I tell? My beautiful friends?  Ask them to stop what they're doing and follow me into Hell?  I reassure them everything is all right, but I'm not.  I stay awake. Waiting for the monster to leave.  Waiting for the end of this long and treacherous grieve.  I plaster a smile on my pale, funeral face.  No one notices the disgrace.  Strangers read my poetry - thinking I'm releasing some artful, satin string.  Sending me nice love notes and quoting my harsh quotes.  Oh God.  Who can blame them? 

I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling

Wait for the happy girl to tell the joke to make it all go away.  Lovely, love stroke.

I want to break everything beautiful.  I can't be here again. No, no, no.

I scream so loud on the inside.  There's just nowhere to hide.  Rearview view always illusive.  Wondering if anyone is following.  Listening to my son talk about protecting me from bad men.  It's all such a devious sin.  If there are 3 ways to get to any of my destinations, I pray for 10.  There's only so many ways.  Only 2 ways lead to my home. 

Oh God.  I'm infecting you.  With my unplanned toxin. 

I'm at the end of my frayed rope.  Nothing to grope. 

I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling

People call me strong.  People call me brave.  As I cry, writing another blog rave.  It's happening again.  The sociopathic narcissistic beast loving his original sin. 

Where can I park my car where it won't stand out?  Will anyone hear me if I shout?  Don't go out alone at night.  It's all a terrible fright.  Tell all my friends to rest easy and hear them say goodnight.  Sitting up til the banshees stop their wailing.  Til my body stops shivering.  Fall into bed with another mournful prayer lifted up to the ceiling.