Here. Today.

It's been a long & winding road.  Changes happening in my lil ole world now.  Happy changes that have taken a while to come into fruition.  The biggest change was my job.  I'm still a physical therapist assistant but now I am working with a contract company that assigns me to jobs within a 40 mile radius.  I'm working on getting licensed in my home state to open up more job opportunities.  Moving to a contract company was not my first choice.  I typically hate change and resist it at all costs, but the life boat I was previously in had holes in it and I was sinking fast.  Survival kicked me in the ass & I had to find something fast!  The paperwork just getting the position was horrendous but I got it done.  Well.  I got it done at a snail's pace and thought many times of giving up.  (I despise paperwork, too).  My new job handled me with such care I thought there was a glitch in their system; a catch.  Nope. They patiently waited for me to finish my paperwork.  We exchanged more e-mails and phone calls than a hot, new teenage couple preparing to go to prom.  Paperwork was finally finished after 2 months of me dragging complete ass (excuse my language).  I went from full-time to per diem physical therapist assistant.  Which basically means I fill in for people that call in sick, pregnancy leave, or any staffing issue that calls for more workers.  Once a full-time position opens up, I will hop on it (but that will depend on the location and site). 

I could go into why I am now working with a contract company, but the main reason is a much needed change that came quite unexpectedly and without my forethought.  It's been a blessing in disguise.  I'm paid double what I was making at my previous employer.  I have more time with my son.  I have more time to write.  I'm starting to feel like 'me' again (that's still a work in progress).  I almost lost everything.  And I mean everything.  Put it this way, a year ago I was stressed beyond belief.  I was headed for a nervous break-down just 6 months ago.  I almost lost my only means of transportation twice.  My bank account was in the negative and bills just kept coming.  A letter in the mail that opened a financial blessing and I took a leap I never would have thought of taking a year ago.  If you're into playing poker, I put all my chips in and doubled down on a hand that most would consider a losing hand.  Then I waited.  And waited.  This is a fickle time in therapy world.  Nobody falls in the spring! Everyone is out starting and planning their fun-filled vacation to Disney World or Laguna Beach.  I put a hot-line of prayers out into the universe and seriously thought of cutting off all my hair.  I had the new job but no new job to go to.  I was getting sick of afternoon naps and eating bon-bons, to tell you the absolute truth.  So I kept a line open to my new employer (hounded them, really).  They answered with a job.  And another.  And another.  Finally!  The crack in my car's windshield from 2 years ago finally got fixed.  I bought my clown car 4 new tires.  She sparkles (kinda.  If you squint.  She needs a bath again). 

Other changes out on the hopper...2 of my poems were published.  Not just on my blog or on Twitter.  Published.  I'm really excited about that.  I needed that sweet little boost and now a new publisher has caught my eye and I will be hounding them relentlessly in the very near future.  I'm compiling my poems and planning to have them published but I want to do this right.  I won't be self-publishing.  I don't have the time.  That, and there are just too many risks in self-publishing.  This single mama has had enough drama and I really like the idea of sitting in my jammies - emailing my poems to potential publishers to get my name out there.  I have never heard of a chap book until this year and the idea is comfortably rolling in my head of starting a chap book to get the ball rolling.  I find it all fun.  Send me to Michael's for the day to buy pens, markers, watercolors, paint, brushes, journals...and I'm a happy girl.  Let me stay up late to get the creative juices flowing to art journal, write, or listen to my music with money in the bank and my Tot sleeping soundly.  That's what I've been wanting for a long time. 

Yes, the court dates are still there.  Although, I haven't been to a hearing since January.  I feel a very big and positive change in this arena, as well.  My ex is winding down and getting tired and the court is getting tired and I just keep getting stronger and stronger.  My energy is coming back in small, manageable portions.  I no longer feel like I'm walking around in a fog.  I'm getting a big handle on my emotions and how to deal with changes in my life.  That's important.  Life will always change and I was forced to change with it.  I could've resisted it and it would've been very easy to resist because it wasn't easy.  Ain't none of it's easy.  If I would've resisted it all, I would've missed the blessings.  If I looked at each change square in the middle instead of keeping my eye on the horizon, I would've fallen again.  That's unacceptable.  I teach people to walk, dammit! So.  Here I am. Walking.  Here.  Today.