Saying Goodbye

It's never easy saying goodbye, especially when you're saying goodbye to the "old you."  But that is exactly what I'm doing (and have been doing for the past 3 years).  It's a grieving process I had to go through in order for me to completely move on.  Forgiving myself has been the toughest, uphill battle.  Forgiveness; containing many levels, is a process I am learning to move through with the least amount of resistance as possible.  I cannot forgive everything he did, but I can learn to move on and look toward the future.  It's just better that way. 

So, goodbye to the scared girl of the past.  The one who hid from everyone, including herself.  Goodbye to the negative self-talk that creeps into my head.  There is no room for such blasphemy.  I now know it can be far more abusive and destructive to criticize myself in such a way that I limit my own progress.  I say goodbye to the restrictive thinking of my future.  Why not dream as far as the eyes can see? Maybe even a little further.  Quantum physics fascinates me, so why not play with it; picture that awesome picture of my future?  If we can picture it with our mind, we can have it in our reality.  I say goodbye to the pain and depression.  My writing will always help me weed through the despair.  I say goodbye to holding things in.  My silence is golden but it can also be a double-edged sword.  Words of the heart left unsaid only leave a trail of regret. 

My journey is not even close to being complete.  In fact, I've only just begun to get to find the very core of me.  I actually gave myself a time limit on my own grieving.  Healing comes in stages.  I've learned to accept each stage and learn from it.  I say goodbye to the girl that felt the need to compare herself to others.  I am unique.  I am proud of my progress.  I am proud of my willingness to grow and learn.  I'm most proud of my own self-honesty.  You'll surely see dark poems or blog posts.  It helps me to write about it.  To talk about it.  The more I do, the more healing it all becomes.  I don't break down in tears or go numb.  It releases the inner pressure.  I'm feeling so much better.  I'm in a far better place than I was 3 years ago.